We're at the top of Sarangot and I swear you can see the whole country from up here or at least you could if not for the thick white clouds sliding like snakes through the mountain valleys around us and you and I are standing off to the side away from everybody else, it's always you and I, us, we, we're a team. We're talking about. What were we talking about? Hard to keep track of conversation that comes that easily. Hard to keep track of anything for folks like us. I remember we talked about how early it was. 4 AM it was that we had to get up. And with the sun still hiding below the mountain tops we weren't even sure it would be worth it. It would be, it would be gorgeous, like the whole world catching behind the safe boundaries of the Himalayas, but we didn't know that yet. I remember we talked about silly things that reminded us home. Like how many Disney princess movies you were gonna watch back home. Like how I was going to sit in front of the TV watching anime and smoking weed for two solid weeks, nonstop, to make up for lost time. What else? All I wanted was to give you my words and then fill up the space they left with the words you spoke, not a fair trade, your words are so powerful, well chosen and carefully raised, fully pedigreed, mine are just confused and ambling mutts, uncertain where they're going or where they've been.
I remember standing quietly for a while. Most of the people at the top of the mountain that morning were standing quietly. This place was like a shrine. Or a graveyard. Silence, solemnity, and respect are demanded. So we just stood next to each other and didn't say anything. I wove your hand into mine and that was loud enough for me. Louder now than ever, as the clock ticked and our time ran out, the orchestra building into their final crescendos not resolving into warm easy comfort of major chords, instead into growing cacophony, pitches stacked senselessly against another and clearly unawares as to how or why.
I remember what was almost said. I remember catching your eyes (god those eyes) and we smiled at each other and you, you couldn't help yourself, involuntary, like a sneeze, "I'm gonna miss this" falls out of your mouth. "Nepal?" I ask her, knowing how stupid it is. She averts her eyes, then catches my gaze again, then squeezes my hand, and sighs, and looks away again. Nothing good lasts forever and we knew this ship wouldn't hold any water long before we found ourselves so far from land.
"Are you going to be okay?" She asks me.
"I don't want to talk about it. Not right now."
And so we just watch the sun rise.